Cuckoo
by halfadash
Summary: Lorelai didn't bother to wipe away the tears that were cascading down her face.She figured it was a pointless task, new tears would replace them immediately anyway.She honestly couldn't see how they could be stopped;after all,the worst was about to happen
1. She's Broken

Lorelai didn't bother to wipe away the tears that were cascading down her face. She figured it was a pointless task, new tears would replace them immediately anyway. She honestly couldn't see how her crying could be stopped; after all, the worst was about to happen. Lorelai had always assumed that the lowest point in her life would be when she and Luke had broken up. She had lied in bed for days after that, hardly eating or drinking.

Lorelai was sure that after this, she'd probably never have a day as good as that again. She took a deep breath, looked over at Logan, and they understood each other. It was time. They walked through the door to Rory's room, number 419 at Hartford Memorial Hospital.

* * *

A month earlier, Rory was stopped at a red light on her way back to Yale after a Friday night dinner. She and Logan had plans to go see a late movie. Maybe if Rory hadn't leaned over and started searching for a CD on the floor between the driver and passenger's seat, she would have seen the drunk driver coming at her. Maybe she would have driven out of the way.

But she didn't. Rory didn't see the car coming, and she didn't move out of the way. Instead, a large SUV driving at a lethal ninety miles per hour slammed into her tiny Prius, all but crushing Rory's small frame.

It was only a few minutes later that another person drove by and saw the horrendous accident. Of course, the man immediately called the police, and paramedics were on their way quickly.

Unfortunately for Rory, they could have arrived a second after the accident and it would not have been soon enough. Rory's body was irreparably damaged, as all of her family and loved ones would soon find out.

Logan was the first to know. He had been waiting for Rory to call him once she got back to Yale, and eventually he decided to call her.

At this point, Rory's purse was being searched by a nurse for identification so her family could be called. Rory's phone began to ring; the cheery sounds of the theme song for The Office pierced the air of the otherwise somber ER nurse's station. The nurse jumped at the sound and rushed to flip open the phone.

"Hello?" she asked. Her voice was noticeably different than Rory's.

Logan was confused, and looked at his phone. Yes, he had called Ace's number...who was this?

"Hey, this is Logan, Rory's boyfriend...are you a friend of hers?"

"Oh, no. I just...," the nurse paused. She wasn't supposed to give out information to non-family members. But if this Logan could tell her the patient's information, it would be worth it, right?

"Hello? Who is this?" Logan questioned.

"My name is Joann Fischetti, I am a nurse at Hartford Memorial. I'm sorry to tell you like this, but it appears that your girlfriend has been in a serious accident. I was just looking through her purse for identification when her phone rang."

Logan could swear he stopped breathing as he heard these words. This must be a mistake, this didn't happen to people he knew. To people he loved.

"What does it look like?"

"I'm sorry?" Nurse Fischetti was confused.

"The purse. What does it look like?" Logan could only pray that this woman was wrong. As terrible as it was to wish, he wanted for it to be someone else. Maybe Lorelai had Rory's phone, or a friend--that Lane girl, or Paris. Anyone but Rory.

"Well, it's pink, and expensive looking, it has the name Birkin printed on it--"

Logan didn't hear anything after that. There was no mistaking it, Rory was hurt.

"Sir, I know this is difficult. If you could give me her full name and any medical information you know, or the number to her parents, it would be very helpful."

"Lorelai. Lorelai Gilmore." Logan managed to say. "I don't think I know any medical information that would help you. Her mother's number is 555-6312. I don't know her cell phone number, but I'm sure it's in this phone."

"Thank you, sir. I should be going now."

"Is she alright? I mean, her cell is working, so it can't be that bad, right?" Logan's voice was a plea.

The nurse bit her lip. She has already disclosed information to this boy; it would be cruel to keep anything from him now.

"From what I know, Logan, your girlfriend was hit by another car. It was going very quickly, and the impact was very hard. She has definite head trauma, and the rest of her body is severely injured. She is in surgery right now. To be honest, she may not make it."

* * *

Lorelai had just sat on her couch when her phone began to ring. Groaning, she got up to answer it.

"I swear Mom, if this is you about that damn DAR dinner...," Lorelai picked up the phone. "Hello?"

"Mrs. Gilmore?"

"This is she."

"Are you the mother of Lorelai Gilmore?"

* * *

Lorelai's facial expression was uncharacteristically blank as she pushed open the door to Luke's. She walked right behind the counter, ignoring Luke's yelling. She grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the diner to her Jeep, and handed him the keys.

"Lorelai, what the hell is going on? I have a diner full of people--"

"I need you to take me to Hartford Memorial. And none of that slow driving crap like when my dad was there." Lorelai said as she got in the passenger seat. Her voice was devoid of emotion, almost robotic.

Luke stopped questioning her and got behind the wheel. As he put the car in drive, Lorelai told him what he somehow knew was coming.

"It's Rory."

* * *

Lorelai hadn't spoken since she told Luke who they were going to the hospital for. Even when they arrived, Luke had to ask for information about where she was. They were informed that Rory was still in surgery, and a doctor would be out soon to update them on her status.

When they arrived in the waiting room, Lorelai was shocked to see Logan already sitting there with his head in his hands. He looked up when she sat next to him. Lorelai was a little surprised to see his eyes were rimmed in red, and her emotionless front began to crumble.

"I...I'm so sorry," started Logan, his voice shaky. "I know I should have called you when I found out. I was calling her, and a nurse answered. She told me what happened." Logan's voice broke as fresh tears started down his face. "I should have told you, you shouldn't hear things like this from strangers, but I couldn't do it." Logan looked up at Lorelai. "How was I supposed to tell the woman who loves Rory even more than I do that she's broken?"

Lorelai shook her head at Logan as tears finally started to roll down her cheeks. "That's more than I could ask from you Logan. Believe me, I'm not upset because of that right now." Lorelai's tears started to come more quickly, and she hugged Logan. As she felt his arms squeeze her back, Lorelai realized that Logan truly did love her daughter.

* * *

Within the next hour, Rory's father and grandparents were in the waiting room, sitting in silence until a doctor came to tell them the news. It was eerily quiet between the six of them, and Lorelai longed for her mother to be screaming at nurses or nitpicking on her outfit, just so there could be some normalcy. Instead, everyone sat and stared at the floor. No one touched, for people only comfort one another when grieving. Lorelai refused to grieve until she had a reason.

The quiet was broken with the sound of sneakers squeaking on the floor. They all looked up.

"Are you the family of Lorelai Gilmore?"

"Yes," answered Richard.

"We've just finished the surgery. Lorelai is still alive, but I have to warn you, she is still in grave danger. We are currently moving her to the ICU, which is where she will stay for the next couple weeks or so, and then she can be moved to a regular room for the rest."

"I'm sorry?" whispered Lorelai.

The doctor focused on her. "Did you have a question?" he asked kindly. "There is obviously much more I need to explain, but if something I've said is unclear..."

"Yes, what do you mean by _the rest_?" Lorelai asked, her voice slightly stronger. "You make it sound like she's going to be staying here for the rest of her life."

The doctor looked uncomfortable. "You're Lorelai's mother, I presume?"

She nodded.

"There is no easy way to tell all of you this. Lorelai has suffered extensive injuries to her spinal cord and neck. As a result, she is paralyzed from the neck down. Her brain is still functioning, but her vocal cord has completely collapsed, and given her fragile state I am hesitant to try to repair it right now. The extra stress on her body isn't worth the risk for the moment."

Lorelai sank into her seat. Her Rory, her baby, her perfect daughter...was maimed for the rest of her life.

Luke looked uncomfortable, but spoke. "I'm sorry, but could you please tell me exactly what this means? It sounds like Rory can't move or speak right now."

"That is correct. Her brain, however, is still functioning. Lorelai, or Rory as you called her, is still capable of all the brain function she had before. Unfortunately, the stress from all of this has weakened her heart greatly, so we have her on a pacemaker for the time being."

"And all this is permanent?" asked Richard, his hand wound tightly around his wife's.

"With the exception of the vocal cord and the pacemaker, yes. There is about a fifteen percent chance that we will be able to repair her vocal cord, should you decide to try."

"So that means there's an eighty-five percent chance that Rory won't ever be able to communicate with us again?" Logan spoke for the first time. His voice was a shadow of the normally confident tone.

"Yes. I'm very sorry. Rory should be waking up within the hour if you want to see her."

Logan nodded, and they all sat down. Emily began to cry gently into Richard as Lorelai finally broke down in Luke's arms. A need for comfort triumphed over the awkwardness, and Chris pulled Logan into his arms as a father would console his son.

It was time to grieve.

* * *

Initially, they were only allowed into Rory's room two at a time. Lorelai and Chris headed in first. Chris came out a mere five minutes later, unable to look at his damaged daughter any longer. Lorelai, however, remained. She had stopped crying and was only able to stare at Rory's body. She couldn't imagine whispering a comment to Rory and not having her respond. What would Rory think of her life? She knew her daughter was an optimist, almost annoyingly so, but where was the bright side in this cruel turn of fate? Rory's dream was to be a reporter, a foreign correspondant. Not only could she no longer travel, she couldn't write. Rory couldn't write, speak, or share her thoughts with anyone anymore. It would be maddening, enough to drive anyone insane.

Logan ducked his head into the room.

"May I come in?"

Lorelai nodded. She wondered why her parents didn't come in, but didn't ask. It wasn't like it really mattered.

"Richard and Emily offered to wait until later. They said they were going to look for some coffee right now." Logan informed her. He still hadn't looked at the bed.

Under any other circumstances Lorelai would have snorted. Her parents would never go looking for something, they would send someone else, perhaps Luke. It was obvious that they just couldn't handle this right now.

For once, she wouldn't blame them.

Logan sat in the chair next to Lorelai and let his eyes sweep over Rory. He would swear this was a nightmare, there was no other valid reason for his Ace to be laying in a hospital bed, looking so pale and vulnerable underneath sheets that hid all her bruises, scars and bandages. His eyes travelled up her body, stopping at her neckbrace.

_So that means that there's an eighty-five percent chance that Rory won't ever be able to communicate with us again?_

Logan swallowed deeply, trying to keep the tears back. Lorelai watched as he slowly stood up, assuming that he too would leave the room.

Instead, Logan pulled his chair right next to Rory's bed and held her hand. The irony that she could not feel this wasn't lost on him, and he willed himself to look at her face.

It was perfect.

Somehow, despite all the damage that the rest of her body suffered, Rory's face was left unscathed. Logan reached up with his thumb to stroke her cheek, and her eyes fluttered open.

* * *

**This is going to be really quick, just a little 2-parter (I think). The idea is by no means original, but i was very compelled to write it. In case it wasn't clear, the first little segment at the beginning of this chapter is a flash-forward (if that's a word) and the rest is flashing back. Eventually the flashback will meet up again with that first segment.**

**i own nothing, please review and tell me what you think. and no, this isn't a very happy story. i think it's important that some stories are ridiculously depressing, because sometimes thats how life is. **

**figure this is in season 6, right in that good period for rory and logan. they've just made up since the jess incident, and rory was living with logan, the bridesmaids thing hasn't happened.**


	2. And Can't Be Fixed

Rory's face became confused as she looked around the room.

"Lorelai!" called out Logan. "She's awake."

Lorelai rushed over to the bedside and looked at her daughter. Her eyes were wide and confused as they darted around the room, and she looked so scared. She visibly calmed a little as Logan stroked her cheek, but freaked out again when she opened her mouth to find that no sound would come out. Lorelai put her hand on her daughter's head, and spoke softly to her.

"Honey? Shh, don't try to talk, you can't right now." Lorelai fought as hard as she could to keep herself contained, the last thing Rory needed was to see her break down again. "You were in an accident, a car accident."

Lorelai was stuck. What did she say now? How do you tell your daughter that you lied to her about the most important thing? _"You can grow up to be anything you want to be..."_

Not anymore.

* * *

After a few minutes, Rory figured out on her own that she couldn't move her arms. She tried to reach up and touch Logan's hand, but found the task to be impossible. When she pieced together what had happened, Rory went into hysterics. Later, both Logan and Lorelai would swear that seeing Rory sobbing soundlessly for the first time was the most heartbreaking experience of this ordeal. Tears streamed down her face as her mouth opened in a wordless wail; the pain in her neck only added to her agony. They both tried to console her, but their efforts were fruitless as her heart rate and blood pressure began to rise. Soon, a nurse came in and sedated Rory, who then slipped into a few more hours of peace.

Logan went back to the waiting room so that Chris could come in and see Rory. He sat next to Lorelai, at a complete loss for what to say. Chris mindlessly rubbed Lorelai's back as she stared at her daughter's sleeping form.

"What do I do now, Chris? I've protected her from everything I could, but I couldn't stop this. I couldn't stop bad luck, bad timing..."

"You do what you can. _We _do what we can. No one can ask for more. You've been an amazing mother so far, Lor, no sense in stopping now."

Lorelai looked at him incredulously.

"What, so you think that's it? I just keep on doing what I'm doing? Guess what, Chris, a cup of coffee and night of wallowing isn't going to fix this! In case you didn't know, I've never so much as interacted with another person in this position! Do you know what happened when Rory woke up? I told her that she couldn't talk right now. _Right now_, as if she'll be able to tomorrow. Then, I couldn't tell her that she no longer has control of her body beneath her neck. She had to play guess and check and figure that out by herself!" Lorelai cried hysterically."Oh yeah, I'm doing a real fine job being a good mother when my daughter needs me the most!"

Chris looked as though he had been smacked, and uneasily got up to leave.

"No, don't go. I'm sorry," Lorelai almost whispered. "I just...I can't deal with this by myself."

Chris sighed. "You're not."

* * *

Logan sat in a chair, numb to the hard plastic digging into his back. The image of his Rory in pure pain, with no way to express it...

"Logan! Has she woken?" an anxious voice asked. Emily and Richard walked back over to him from wherever they had wandered off to.

Logan looked up and did his best to keep his emotions in check. "She did wake, but only for a while. The nurse sedated her."

Richard looked concerned. "Is she in that much pain?"

"Not physically," Logan replied unsteadily. "Rory...she found out that she can't speak or move, and she couldn't calm down after that." Logan cast his eyes downward as flashes of Rory's panic attack swam through his head.

"Oh," said Emily. "How is Lorelai?"

"She's...enduring. I know she must be much worse off than she's letting everyone else see."

Richard nodded, and looked at his wife. "I think it's time that we went in."

Emily nodded, and they went inside to see how their girls were doing.

* * *

A couple of weeks later, Rory had accepted her condition enough so that she didn't need to be sedated constantly. She and her visitors were using a rudimentary communication system--one blink yes, two blinks no.

Lorelai had gone on some anti-depressants, and was able to remain stable enough to sit with her daughter daily. Logan was her second most frequent visitor, coming in every day that he could. Logan was normally there at least two or three hours a day, six or seven days a week.

Sixteen days after her accident, Logan walked into Rory's room to see her sleeping and Lorelai knitting a blanket of some sort.

"Hey," Logan smiled at Lorelai, and put down the books on CD and movies that he had brought.

Lorelai smiled back. She and Logan had forged a friendship over the past two weeks, it was necessary. Either one of them spent more time at the hospital than the rest of Rory's visitors combined.

"Hi," responded Lorelai. "What do we have today?"

"Well, for the movie selections we have Forrest Gump, Rocky, and Homeward Bound."

"Hmm, eclectic. And for the books?"

"The complete works of J.K. Rowling and some Chaucer."

"Well, at least the girl's got options." Lorelai bit her lip, and asked the question that had been on her mind the last couple of weeks. "Logan, everything you have done has been really sweet. Now more than ever, I think I finally understand how much you really love Rory. But at the same time--you're twenty-three years old. I know you two love each other, I get it and I'm not trying to stop it, I'm really not...but don't you want more?"

Logan looked confused, but thought he had an idea where she was going with this. "Lorelai, I assure you..."

"Just let me finish. You have so much of your life ahead of you Logan, and I wouldn't--couldn't, really, blame you if you let go of Rory. I think she'd understand, she wants you to be happy, I'm sure."

Logan fought to keep from yelling at Lorelai. She couldn't be serious. Break up with Rory? Leave her two weeks after she got into a life-altering accident? She must be insane.

"Lorelai...I can't do that. I can't leave her. I won't. The last thing I want to do right now is take something else away from her."

Lorelai nodded. "I assumed you would say something like that. It's just...if you were my son, and this were your girlfriend that I didn't know...I'd want you to be happy, with someone who would fulfill your other half. Rory..." Lorelai's voice broke, "She can't do that anymore."

Logan sighed. He himself was torn, but hadn't wanted to admit it, even to himself. He sat down next to Lorelai. "Part of me thinks you're right. As much as I love Rory...this isn't really her, not really. I know she's in there, and I know she's still thinking and deep down it's her...but even though she can't talk, I know she's not thinking like she used to. She used to be happy, one of the most optimistic people I knew. And I don't judge her for not being like that anymore, I can't blame her for it...but she's not the girl I fell in love with anymore. It makes me sick to think about it, about how I know that she's never going to yell at me again or joke with me or share a bed." Logan swallowed deeply. "Either way, though, I'm not ready to let her go. I'm going to keep coming back, for as long as I can, and eventually one thing or the other is going to happen--she's going to be happy again, or I won't be able to do this to myself and her anymore."

Lorelai nodded. She wouldn't fight with him anymore.

* * *

"Ok, honey, do you want to watch The Office?"

Rory blinked twice.

"No? Alright, we'll save Jim and Dwight for another day...how about House?"

Two blinks.

"I Love Lucy?"

Two more.

"Seinfeld?" Blink blink. "Flavor of Love?" Blink blink. "Law and Order?" Blink blink.

Lorelai closed her eyes for a moment, trying not to be annoyed. She didn't want to be mad.

"Hey, Lorelai?" Luke walked in the room. "Hi, Rory," he added uncomfortably. Rory stared blankly back at him.

Lorelai looked at Luke. "Yeah?"

"Do you want to get some lunch with me?"

"Um, sure. Honey, I'll be back soon, ok?"

One blink.

* * *

"I don't know what to do anymore, Luke. She hasn't smiled since she woke up. Not once. The doctors assure me that she can...but she never looks happy. Nothing is funny anymore, no matter what I say or put on the television or read to her, or anything. She doesn't even smile when Logan comes in. Nothing. She does...nothing." Lorelai absentmindedly twirled her french fry in the ketchup, but never moved to put anything in her mouth.

Luke stared at his own plate, not knowing what to say. He didn't want to pacify Lorelai, to tell her that it would be alright. Because most likely, it wouldn't be.

Lorelai pushed back her chair. "Thanks for lunch, Luke. I should get back to Rory now." She began to walk towards the cafeteria exit.

"Sure, anytime. And Lorelai?" Luke called.

She looked back, expectantly.

"One way or another, things will get better."

Lorelai nodded, and gave Luke a small smile as she headed back to her daughter's room.

Lorelai's brow furrowed as she saw nurses running into Rory's room. She picked up her pace and started to run to her room.

"What's happening?" she asked frantically, but no one answered.

Rory's eyes were wide with fright, panic, and if Lorelai wasn't mistaken, a bit of anger. A nurse rushed to put a sedative into Rory's IV, and within moments Rory's eyes closed, her breathing relaxed and the beeping on her monitor returned to normal.

"Oh my god," breathed Lorelai as she saw the blood running down her daughter's chin. "What happened?" she asked in a normal voice.

The doctor in the room turned to Lorelai as the nurses continued to clean up Rory. "Mrs. Gilmore, it seems that your daughter was biting the inside of her mouth."

Lorelai looked confused. "Why would she be doing that? Oh no, " she murmured, "Is it...is her brain still functioning?"

"Yes, her brain is working well...perhaps you should take a seat."

Lorelai paled and sat down. "What happened to my daughter?"

"Technically, nothing else is medically wrong with her. This is going to be hard to hear...Rory was intentionally biting the inside of her mouth. We've seen things like this before, many people in this condition become depressed and try to take control of their lives the only way they think that they can."

"So..." Lorelai whispered, "She was trying to bleed to death?"

The doctor nodded gravely. "Yes, we believe so. We're going to wire her mouth shut to prevent her from doing this again."

Lorelai bit her lip, wiped at her eyes, and thanked the doctor for his help before leaving to go to the bathroom so she could cry in peace.

Lorelai sat on a closed toilet in the women's room, using the privacy of her stall to relive a long ago conversation with her daughter.

_"Well, not that we didn't expect it, but you and Paris kicked major butt today." Lorelai complimented her daughter._

_"Yeah, well, it's easy to win when you have the side that's right." Rory said modestly. _

_"Don't belittle this Rory, you guys did great. Besides, I'm sure tons of people are against assisted suicide. Many agree that Kevorkian was quite the nut job."_

_"Sure, I guess so, but there's a lot of people who are Pro-Euthanasia, too. I mean, I personally really do think it makes sense."_

_"Oh yeah? Enlighten me, using real terms, not just what Paris carefully compiled onto those neat little note cards." Lorelai said, challenging her._

_"Okay, look at it this way. Family pet, let's call him Rocky-"_

_"Rocky's not a good name. Is this a dog?"_

_"Sure." Rory rolled her eyes._

_"How about Rambo?"_

_"Oh, so Academy Award winning role for Stallone is no good for the name of my hypothetical dog which is going to die anyway, but crazy Nam veteran role for Stallone is good?" asked Rory._

_"Oh, you didn't say he was going to die!"shouted Lorelai, taken aback. "Go ahead, call him Rocky."_

_"As I was saying, Rocky, the beloved family dog, has cancer. It hurts for him to walk, he's tired all the time and constantly in pain. Rocky can't play fetch, run in the backyard, chase squirrels, or anything else he used to like doing. As humans, we say that the humane thing to do is to put him out of his misery and euthanize him. But then, a month later, Great Aunt Sally gets sick, hates her life and is in constant pain. She can't knit, play shuffleboard, or control her bladder, and we tell her to suck it up as we drag out her life to the bitter end. Does that sound fair to you?"_

Lorelai's tears fell harder as she pulled out her cell phone.

* * *

"Hey." Logan sat down next to Lorelai in one of the chairs next to Rory's bed. Rory was still sedated from the morning. "I got your message."

Lorelai nodded. "Rory tried to kill herself," she said simply.

Logan swallowed. He had heard this, he had spoken with the doctor before coming in. "I know. Maybe she'll be better after the vocal cord reconstruction--"

"That's not happening." Lorelai cut him off.

"Why not?" Logan hadn't heard about this.

"They've taken new X-rays and some other tests. Her vocal cord is worse than they thought. It's completely destroyed, there's nothing they can do."

"Oh," Logan whispered.

"Hey Logan?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm gonna tell you a story, and you tell me what you think."

"Okay."

"So there's this dog, and his name is Rocky..."

* * *

Lorelai didn't bother to wipe away the tears that were cascading down her face. She figured it was a pointless task, new tears would replace them immediately anyway. She honestly couldn't see how the tears were going to be stopped, after all; the worst was about to happen. Lorelai had always assumed that the lowest point in her life would be when she and Luke had broken up. She had lied in bed for days after that; hardly eating or drinking.

Lorelai was sure that after this, she'd probably never have a day as good as that again. She took a deep breath, looked over at Logan, and they understood each other. It was time. Wordlessly, they walked through the door to Rory's room.

Lorelai stroked Rory's hair back as she continued to steadily shed tears. She stepped back as to allow Logan his moment. He stepped forward and leaned over, placing a kiss on Rory's forehead and then pressing his lips to hers, something that hadn't been done since before the accident. Tears splashed from Logan's eyes to Rory's face, and he straighted up.

Lorelai and Logan simply looked at her for a while, drinking in the sight of her breathing. After a few minutes, Lorelai reached into her purse and pulled out a syringe. Inside was enough adrenaline to take care of a horse. Lorelai slowly stuck the needle into Rory's chest, and released the adrenaline.

The beeping of Rory's monitor rapidly increased, then dulled into a continuous beep.

It was over.

_The End._

* * *

**ok, so that's it. Obviously, this is far from original,taking a lot from million dollar baby and the title is a tribute to One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, in case someone didn't pick up on that.**

**this is certainly not meant to offend anyone, and i am not against disabled people nor suggesting that everyone should be euthanized if paralyzed/deathly sick. i am certainly against suicide,but i **_**do**_** think that if a person is going to die/really has **_**nothing**_** to live for, and **_**wants**_** to end their life,** **we shouldn't make them needlessly suffer.**

**reviews are always appreciated.**


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